"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBEI decided to start this blog to give me a space to talk about my experiences. It's very difficult to talk aloud about many of these incidents, and no one wants to hear about someones crappy childhood. Each of us have incidents that take place that aren't fair or right. It's part of the human condition, this I know. Someone else always has it worse than you did.
As adoptees were are often told that we are expressing "ungratefulness" if we ever utter one negative word about our adoptive parents or the condition known as adoption , no matter what. Society seems to feel that we need to be grateful for the homes were are placed in. The simple truth of the matter is that I didn't ask to be adopted. I wasn't an infant holding a sign saying "adopt me" on the side of the road.....had I been, then Yes, I should express some gratitude to those I asked for help. But in adoption it doesn't work that way, decisions were made for me without my consent. I can guarantee you that no child wants to lose their mother and get a replacement.
The adoption industry is a business, in their economic model humans are the commodity. Supply and demand dictates the market prices. The adoption industry uses "positive adoption language" in an attempt to keep business operations running smoothly. Because just like the tobacco industry, if you tell everyone that your product doesn't cause cancer and it has health benefits long and loud enough, the public will believe it.
However, the adoption industry has had to deal with their commodities as they have come of age. Adoptees are among the most active and loudest voices calling for reform in the adoption industry. Historically, businesses that traded humans for cash were 'Slavery', so you can see why the adoption industry takes great effort and expense to ensure that only positive adoption language is used like in the adoption agency handbook I posted a link to above. I've also posted a link under market prices/commodities that is from NPR story on race listing prices of babies from an adoption agency.
My intent isn't to just share stories of my childhood, but it is where I am going to start. My intent will be bring context to my experiences and expand with research on the affects of adoption on adoptees. I like data, and there have been some very interesting studies done on adoptees.
But in the end, this is my story, my life, and my space.